Unasked advice.

We are back from Diwali; was a long sleepy ten days. Most restful. The city is wonderful with just the right amount of people in it- most having left town to holiday somewhere. It would be wonderful if we could work out a mechanism where the same percentage of people were always sent out of the city year round; empty streets, a sense of quietude; crisp winter air, – it was lovely. This is the real sense of our city.
On the day that we did puja  in the office, there were only a few of us, and I walked around the empty office peering into rooms, and my eye caught a two page note pinned up on one of the boards. It was a letter that I had written when turning 50, to my daughters, and had then put it up  for all in the office to read. Its been a few years since, and as I re read the letter, it still felt right. We will take some time to get back in gear , and start posting on design , and in the meanwhile , I thought this letter was a good way to mark the festive season. I do hope you enjoy it.

Upon turning 50 some words of wisdom are traditionally expected.
It is not so much about the supposed new found wisdom, but more I presume, that this marker of time allows people around you to be more generous in listening to what you are saying. For a few days at least this generosity is extended with some sincerity; but I would imagine that soon enough, it is business as usual, and those who always listened to you, continue to do so, and others gradually dismiss your words  as a result of early dementia.
Given that fact, losing such an opportunity, however fractional it may be, is clearly not a good idea.
Turning fifty actually means nothing special; it does not highlight the measure of the time left on the planet, any more than turning twenty did.
What it does allow is to believe even more forcefully whatever it is that you believed in when you were younger. After all, if you have reached this age, with the beliefs that you held dear, you have not done too badly and  it is too late to change anyways. The moral is to believe in your self and have convictions when young, and don’t worry about their rightness or wrongness. The important thing is to believe and walk the path.
The other important thing that you realize is that being convinced by others , to what you felt instinctively was not a good idea,   was infact always a bad idea. There is no reason to be convinced about what your heart does not believe in , even if what you believe may be proven wrong at a later date. To learn it your self, is better than borrowing wisdom, or having it pushed down your throat.
Then the golden moments shine out. Time spent with parents; spent with family  and children; moments when you reached out and were there because some one needed you, both quiet and noisy moments spent with friends, time spent reading or listening to music, or walking the mountains; time when you did a good job, or just did nothing and aimlessly stared at the sky. But you realize that these are golden moments only because they were amidst hard work, and the desire to do the good, right and responsible thing, was a constant. Without that, perhaps these moments would have meant less.
And of course you were wrong when you believed that people who lied, or were self serving, or ill mannered, or mean, or tried to monopolize the space they were in, were not good people. You were wrong completely! They were worse! And staying away from them is always a good idea. If any one tells you that it takes all kinds in the world, and one needs to deal with them all; you can choose to ignore them too!
Being hurt is a good thing. Do not  ever hurt any one ever. But being hurt is as powerful an emotion as being happy.So do not shy away from it.And dont panic , when you get hurt. Its just one more emotion.Experience it , enjoy it and move on.
Peace you find, is embedded in the idea of letting go. To let go that which seems a drain on your energy for seemingly no good reason, or to let go when you find unbecoming behavior, or to let go when the purpose seems pointless, is a good way to navigate life. I have found that to severe, to disconnect, to banish from the mind, an idea, or a person, with the severity of cutting a limb is a very valuable trait. Then the remorse is less, and the path always seems clearer.
Then it also becomes clear that sleep is a divine gift and having it, puts you several notches above mere mortals. To sleep at the drop of the hat. As you sit in the car, you should be able to knock of before the driver even moves to second gear. If you cant do it, practice it. This is an extremely important facet of life.
The grays don’t matter. They matter for those less talented, or those dishonest, or those who seek easy acceptance in life. Life can be black and white and in sharp focus.  Having said that, don’t ever be less kind. Kindness rules. That does not mean you need to suffer fools. Just be kind to your self and don’t!
Write. Each day, a good letter, a good essay, a poem on the cell phone; whatever. But write. It’s a liberating experience; as liberating as bungee jumping from a cliff.
Health is important. Eat home. Eat well. And the habit to stay healthy is absolutely imperative. But don’t be boring about it and make it a virtue, and talk about your self in glowing terms whenever you get a chance.
Move fast. Learn that. To do a thousand things in a day. All well. It’s not a gift; it’s a hard earned skill. The trick is to do many things in a day; many seemingly impossible things, and keep increasing the quantum each day, and at the same time bring superb immaculate focus to each tiny moment. Focus; that is the key.
The only emergency in life is health; yours or your loved ones. The rest are excuses to not do work. Marriages, visiting friends, festivals.whatever… tolerate it with patience. There is no way getting around it.
If you know people who have no vices, or do not listen to jazz, be suspicious of them. They are clearly uneducated, and you may help them with a scholarship, or there is something very fishy about them.
If you have pets, children, ailments, are in love or have had a bad day; don’t bore people with it, every time you meet, just talking about it.
Learn to listen. Carefully. Observe every moment around you. More importantly listen to the gaps between the words. They reveal more than the words at times. Listen , decipher and make judgments . React only if you feel if its worth it, or really have nothing better to do.
Counting to 10, when you are angry works. It allows a measured response. My problem is that I forget the numbers when I am angry; but I am working on it. Though not advised often, yelling, screaming, swearing is good yoga. One must do it from time to time.
And finally, watch lots of hindi films, eat on the streets, swig good malt when you can, The old, though corny  munnabhaibollywood adage is true. Its not important how many moments you live in this life, but how many lives you have lived in each moment.
Cheers
Aniket